Quick, to the slutcave!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
