News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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