is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
