6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
