I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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