Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize