she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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