he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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