He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
