Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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