dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
