i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
