Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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