I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
