Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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