I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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