I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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