I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
