I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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