Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Maybe he injected his testicle?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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