are you still at the devil's house?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
