Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
