I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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