now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wants to bone in the snuggie
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
