About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
