After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
