exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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