so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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