Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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