i think my mom watched the whole time
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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