If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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