I'm really into asian looking animals
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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