i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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