Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
