Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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