worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
