I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she peed on how many people?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
