I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
