Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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