I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
