lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
