Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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