i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
