Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
