Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
