So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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