:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
