Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
