Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
