i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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