What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
