So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
