i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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