just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
