I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
third nipple confirmed
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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