She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
