I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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