I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
