Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
