proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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