I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
