AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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