My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
