I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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