I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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