i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
