Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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