You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
