This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
