I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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