i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
