I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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