sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
