How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
