you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
