those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
