i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
