I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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