The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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